Christmas is a feeling-filled time of year. We often experience lots of wonderful emotions, including happiness, excitement, gratitude, calmness and joy. But the festive season may also trigger and amplify negative emotions, such as stress, anxiety, sadness, guilt and anger.
Christmas can be a challenging time for people so it's important to reach out if you think they're struggling.
There are many reasons why the holiday season might not be as we would like it: being separated from loved ones due to distance, family estrangement or bereavement, conflict when family members are together, financial difficulties, and even exhaustion might mean you are unable to celebrate as you would like.
There are also constant reminders of the ideal vision of Christmas in the media, in advertising, and in other people talking about their own plans. If you’re not feeling cheerful yourself, this expectation and positivity can contribute to feeling tired and overwhelmed. This is particularly true if we have underlying challenges managing our mental health.
Ultimately, the holiday season is not about big gatherings, expensive presents or having the biggest turkey on the table. It is about finding meaning, and showing kindness and caring, not only to others but to ourselves.
Tips for the holidays
Make time for your Big 5
At MindSpot, we have identified five key actions that contribute to good mental health. We call these The Big 5.
- Meaningful activity: doing something satisfying; something you find enjoyable or something you believe in.
- Healthy thinking: treating yourself with respect; stopping yourself from thinking unhelpful or unrealistic thoughts; allowing yourself to be less than perfect, and recognising that things go wrong.
- Having goals and making plans: setting realistic and achievable goals, doing something to help you achieve them; making a plan and sticking to it.
- Healthy routines: going to bed and waking up at regular times; keeping a daily routine; preparing and eating a healthy meal; going for a walk every day or two.
- Social connections: spending time with positive people; having a meaningful conversation; chatting about your day with a friend or family member, whether that’s in person, on the phone or online.
Performing these actions each week helps our mental health, and our research is showing that not performing them has the opposite effect. Christmas is a busy time of the year, but it’s important to identify and prioritise the actions that keep you feeling well.
How we talk to and treat ourselves has a big role to play in how we feel. Comparing ourselves to others can add to feelings of sadness and frustration.
It’s okay to say no
The holidays don’t have to look the same for everyone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by expectations or too many commitments, you can say no to an invitation – yes, even from family. We often feel pressure to accept every invitation and try to see everyone before the end of the year, but there is no reason you can’t postpone a get-together until the New Year when things have calmed down and you have time to enjoy them. Just remember to stay connected and reach out to friends and family in whatever way you’re comfortable with. People will always be glad to hear from you.
Found family is also family
Surrounding ourselves with people we love can improve our mood, boost confidence and help us feel supported, but a family doesn’t have to be linked by blood. Close relationships with friends, neighbours, pets and online communities can be just as valuable and rewarding as having a biological family. You are choosing to make time for and support each other, and this sort of give and take, free of perceived obligation, can be just as fulfilling as a family bond – in some cases, even more so.
Loneliness
If you experience loneliness, then please plan to do something that you find meaningful and interesting. Challenge yourself so you have a sense of satisfaction during the festive period. Plan something enjoyable for yourself to do every day, whether it’s going for a walk in a new place, volunteering, learning about something new, or spending time on a hobby. The important thing is to have a sense of purpose every day and have something to look forward to.
Be a friend to others
Even if you are feeling positive about Christmas, someone close to you might not be, and the most important thing is to be there for them. This means letting them know you’re there and you care about them. You could encourage them to talk about what’s going on and provide them with opportunities to be involved in your plans and activities in whatever way they feel comfortable. Simply asking if and how you might be able to help them can make a difference.
Be a friend to yourself
How we talk to and treat ourselves has a big role to play in how we feel. Comparing ourselves to others can add to feelings of sadness and frustration. If you’re finding this to be the case, limiting your exposure to social media may be helpful. And, finally, remember to always treat yourself with kindness, compassion and respect, just as you would a friend or loved one.
Nick Titov (pictured) is a Professor of Psychology at Macquarie University and Executive Director of MindSpot.
MindSpot is a free, digital mental health service that provides assessment and treatment courses. Each year, it helps more than 25,000 Australian adults who are experiencing difficulties with anxiety, stress, depression and low mood.
